April 2009
6 posts
“i laugh joyously because for the first time, i was filled with a genuine disgust...”
Watchbeehappee:
This is a great trailer…
gooseppie:
O-M-G
Where The Wild Things Are Trailer
=) come watch this with me.
if the elephants have past lives and are destined...
it’s embarrassing for me to admit, but i’m messing everything up, i think.
against the jagged background of my seething anger and hatred for a certain d, the bruising question still remains: does the fact that this is still bothering me, that it still has this much power over my life, point to failure on my part? am i doing something wrong, or is this all a natural course of things...
DISCLAIMER
so as much as i rant and reveal my problems, i don’t want anyone to think that i’m an emo-angry-depressing psycho. i’m just verbaldiarrheaing all the whatevers in my brain, and in the bigger picture, this is just a microscopic part of what is really important and existent in my life. all the rants concentrated together in this blog might make it seem like my life is so sad and...
glitch
i don’t know where i’m grounded anymore. a lot of times when someone asks me “how are you?” i stare blankly at them for a few seconds until i can muster up a quiet, confused “good good………………………………how are you?”. i’m scared i lost my core. like i don’t know what i believe in....
March 2009
24 posts
Dear God,
You said to just rely solely on you, and I will be healed. That all will be good. I’m trying to do that, but how am I supposed to be at peace when my attempts only seem to feed my devastation?
If this is your way of bringing me closer to you, I’ll be honest— I don’t like it. I’m barely, BARELY keeping things at bay and in control. And now this crap happens, the...
Random library observations
I know the night wears on….
Not from the clock, but from the slowly dropping level of Diet Coke in the bottle of the boy who sits adjacent to me.
the longest three days
So rageful these days. Maybe it’s stress and crankiness combined from being unbelievably inundated with work and so sick I feel like crying/dying every moment of the day. Everything is an echoing blur-throb and I feel like I’m walking through each day in a fog (feels more like a transparent jelly) lifelessly, listlessly, trying my best not to pass out due to sleep-deprivation and the...
“sometimes, i just want to live a continuous, thoughtless montage.”
confessions
1 I harbor an irrepressible, inexplicable disdain for those who are incapable of depth.
2 A lot of the time, I feel like a loose congregation of particles subject to the whim of passion.
3 I sometimes feel a strange sense of pride in the above.
4 There are only 3 people who truly understand me. God is one of them. High five.
Thank you, VC, for whacking sense into my brain.
NO MORE CONTACT. Not worth it to be completely tooled for a mediocre, if not worthless, friendship with an indecent person.
When I asked V to give me one adjective he’d attribute to me, he immediately replied, “innocent.” I was really surprised by that, since I don’t normally get that response, but I guess it’s true. A euphemism for “naive.”
Ugh.
But...
small group awesomeness
1 blessing 2 running 3 peace 4 truth
will elaborate in a bit…
to be continuuuueeeddd
I realized something today
I’m really happy where I am.
I haven’t felt that in a while.
What an amazing feeling.
balance
living for myself vs being nice
.
.
.
so many implications on each side.
// comment est-ce que je vais décider??
“live high, live mighty, live righteously.”
gravity, stay the hell away from me:
hiccups, heartache, and healing
So as I’m perusing the really cool artsy images in my best friend’s cousin’s blog (I’m not a creeper, I swear), I am somehow overcome with butterfly nervousness and the feeling of a lump in my throat about to explode into a gush of emotion. I really don’t think it has anything to do with the blog at all, but it’s more like I’m realizing how sorry I am to...
a lilt of the heart
My mom&sister, GP3, and my dreams are what snap me back to the bigger picture— what really matters.
What am I doing here, being stuck in my silliness? I’m too busy to be wasting my time and energy on douches who are below me.
I have a world of things to conquer.
reversion, repulsion.
goinggoodgoinggoodgoinggoodgoinggood. closure. encounter. caramel macchiato. establish. it REBELS. wtf. major glare in the cardiac direction. indescribable. unacceptable. fml.
February 2009
24 posts
“All the poison seeps out through my unconscious.
Detox...”
getting lost is not a waste of time.
“small group//epiphanies.
1 prayer is wasting time with God.
2 expecting...”
Learned helplessness
“The American psychologist Martin Seligman’s foundational experiments and theory of learned helplessness began at Cornell University in 1967, as an extension of his interest in depression. Quite by accident, Seligman and colleagues discovered that the conditioning of dogs led to outcomes that opposed the predictions of B.F. Skinner’s behaviorism, then a leading psychological...
“I can understand all that you are,
I can even take all that you’re not....”
– I am probably a pushover. But what can I do.
Introspection.
So I ultimately got a slap to the face when my best friend told me that she didn’t know who I was anymore. She meant that in the most honest way possible, of course, in a way that only best friends can say, because I guess she was getting worried about me. Love. She is valid in telling me that (and I needed that figurative slap), because I myself don’t know me anymore either.
Hm.
The...
“no. 5.
boundaries.”
Really bad poetry (It's only a list)
What are we? Short-lived passion, a laugh, a touch An embrace, a finger stroke on the face Tossing and turning Readjusting Heartbliss, heartbreak Happiness and regret Fights, arguments, differences Talks, talks, talks Become a joke, a farce Pride and shatter Vulnerability, indulgence, then appall Careless, carefree Lips pressed on the brow Fate, happenstance Iloveyous and youdontknowthats Back...
“aspirations
1 to be more focused and efficient
2 to recover my ambition and...”
“God is not cheesy.”
Ok so as you can see— I found my ipod. It was in the pocket of my jacket that I had put in the laundry basket.
My best friend was right. Don’t worry about it, and things will be found, everything will get better.
Very similar to my other friend’s theory: Once you stop focusing on it, the likelier it is that it will happen.
Life is so curious.
(But I’m just really...
BAD NEWS BEARS OF THE DAY (and it's only 11:30 AM)
1 30 minutes late to English lecture purely because of laziness and listlessness.
2 lost ipod, to which I was extremely attached.
3 spilled precious cup of caffeine in French class.
4 realized that I overlooked a HUGE requirement in an application and so I am probs disqualified. Rectifiable? Hopefully. But then again, deadline was 2 weeks ago.
WHY AM I SO CARELESS WITH IMPORTANT...
